Ya gotta love the South!!!!

Tennessee:

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

Alabama:

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. Where's Henry? the others asked.
Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail, the successful hunter replied.
You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back? they inquired.
A tough call, nodded the hunter. But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!


Texas:

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'. 'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.


Louisiana:

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.


Mississippi:

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup

truck from the parking lot!'
Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'
The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'


Georgia:

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I.D.?'
The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'


North Carolina:

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was....
The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'
The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'
The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'


And this one from South Carolina:

You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North.





Doug...

Here you go Doug....


Why do guys in Montana wear rubber boots?


So they can stick the sheeps back legs in so they dont run off during intercourse.

Why you make fun of us ??? Stupid --fire water Indian ---I'd say something about your state but there ain't nothing there --just another dead state. At least we(Clemson) have won a national Championship in main man sport--( FOOTBALL ) Whats Montana done? ? Not even ever rank.. Enjoy that snow --we are still racing, not looking out window DAY DREAMING -----[Your jokes are normally good but this one SUCKS.b]

fastfrog wrote:Why you make fun of us ??? Stupid --fire water Indian ---I'd say something about your state but there ain't nothing there --just another dead state. At least we(Clemson) have won a national Championship in main man sport--( FOOTBALL ) Whats Montana done? ? Not even ever rank.. Enjoy that snow --we are still racing, not looking out window DAY DREAMING -----[Your jokes are normally good but this one SUCKS.b]

Actually, University of Montana has won a few National Championships in their division. 1-AA.

And Carroll College right here in Helena, Montana has been there "6" times in a row, (NAIA) and has won it 5 in a row of those 6. A feat "NO" other college in "ANY" division has ever done. And I' be willing to bet few if any pro teams can claim the same fame. These colleges recruit mostly Montana high school players. Of which, my son's high school has won 11 State Championships. And C.M. Russell High School, in Great Falls has won 13. We may not be in the big leagues as your major colleges, but we're still winners, not whiners!

Sticks and Stones dude! Go hump someone elses leg!

P.S. I love snow too. Gives me time to work on my ride.





Doug...

I likem Doug,keepum coming

Man from Montanna was sitting between two locals at a bar, one on the right of the three says,"damn what is that smell"?
One on the left says," man I dont know but its about to gag me!"
They both look at the Montanna guy in the center, and one asks "man, have you shit?"
Center man nods his head for yes.
Man on left asks, "well dont you think you should get up, go change your clothes, wash up or something?"
Montanna guy shakes his head to say no.
Guy on right asks, "why the hell not, man you stink something awful!"
Montanna guy finally says, "cause I'm not through shittin yet!"

Oh no. Not another Montana joke. Dude, that makes no sense whatsoever. 2nd, the name of my state is in my avatar. Read before writing.








Doug...

SC people make enough fun of themselves. Thats why people dont waste time making jokes about us.

Had to thrown some coal to the fire. It's the southern Italian in me. You mean there is a divison 2 ?? Must before kids who ride in wagons and donkeys. Cain't be jack azz's as they are all in Washington D.C. How much manure does that PICKUP haul??? About 260 lbs , right???? Heeeeeeeeeee ! ! I'll be thinking about ya on saturday --www.darlingtondragway.com-- Now lets get real serious here --since you are a service man like me , then try this but turn volume up on your PC--www.thewarriorsong.com then press video, oh buy the shirt you like it homie. May the "FORCE be with YOU"[ Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Man ! !b]Oh, yes I'm CRAZY thats why I'm your friend, how past the grits and ham. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Holy smilie overload Batman!

Hey I resimble that post

I admit I'm a Redneck just a well educated one.

Doug, you forgot to tell him the greatest thing about Montana - it borders Alberta!! We got it all up here - temps from -40 to +110, oil, natural gas, mountains, badlands , rivers, race tracks, great beer, rednecks, Edmonton Oilers...err, nevermind that last one...